OK, I admit it: for the last year or so, I thought I was doing "Netflix and Chill," when all I was doing was queueing up endless episodes of "Caillou" so that I could take a sh*t and/or have a totally silent "Falling Down" moment at a sink of two-day-old dishes.
Turns out, I was actually doing "Netflix and Children," which is a totally different thing. A totally different thing.
Netflix and Chill means you lure someone to your couch by coyly suggesting you watch a movie together and then you instead have sex. Or at least intentionally touch each other in a mutually pleasurable way.
I mean wow. WOW. Netflix and Children means basically the total f*cking opposite.
Netflix and Chill is all about being together. Netflix and Children is all about being alone AT MOTHERF*CKING LAST. It's about letting Peppa Pig, or those weird H20 Mako Mermaids, or the Ninjago Lego frat toys deal with this mess for 20 minutes (or half an hour, or FINE! THE WHOLE FIRST SEASON OF "LAB RATS") so that I can get some work done, or take a shower, or lie on a pile of unfolded laundry and try to figure out how to put a flag on my Facebook profile picture for, like, an hour and a half. All while my kids are being lobotomized by something rated TV-Y, or TV-G, or *emergencies only* TV-14.
And I'm sorry, but Netflix and Children is way better than Netflix and Chill! Consider: I don't need to shave my legs/stay awake/smell pretty much clean/be likeable, for Netflix and Children to be a huge hit! Actually, I have been married for 10 years, so same rules would apply for Netflix and Chill, but you get my point: it takes absolutely no effort. Whoops, ditto again. Anyway.
Thank God I have Netflix and Children to help me sidestep my parenting responsibilities when it is truly essential that my children and I take a break from one another and not touch or talk for as many seasons of "Pingu" as possible.
(Lastly, a warning to all those sensually streaming lovebirds: some variation of Netflix and Chill is what got me to where I am today. My children are probably a product of the bygone "DVR and Hit Dat" era. Watch responsibly.)
Also on HuffPost:
Close
Author: Zachary Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Kaia Age: 5 Click here to read the full note
Author: Reddit user mase_in_mass's daughter Click here to read the full note
Author: Evelyn Age: 9 Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Anna Age: 7 Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Jonathan Age: 2nd grade Click Here To Read The Full Kid Note
Author: Reddit user rcv27's little sister Click here to read the full note
Author: Carlos Age: 9 Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Ben Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Reddit user Reasonable-doubt's little brother Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Reddit user Perspireo's little sister Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Unknown Via Reddit
Author: Alex Age: 5 Click Here To See The Full Note
Author: Reddit user geni91782's kid Age: 6 Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Macy Age: 9 Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Reddit user flaggfox's son Grade Level: 3rd Click Here To Read The Full Cute Kid Note
Author: Reddit user johnr87410's son Josiah Age: 12 Click Here to See The Full Note
Author: Reddit user elbostonian's son Age: Third Grader Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Young "Scooter" Cheeks Posted by: Grown-up Scooter Cheeks, now known as Reddit user champscheeks Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Lucas Age: 4 Click here to read the full note.
Author: Sadie Age: 8 Click Here To Read The Full Note
Author: Reddit user FrEsH_MiNt's cousin (via Imgur) Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Maddie Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Gabriela Age: 5 Click here to read the full note
Author: Cooper Age: 7 Click here to read the full note:
Author: Alex Age: 9 Click here to read the full note
Author: Jasmine Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Blogger Kim Bongiorno's daughter/future party planner Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Laila Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Soren Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Redditor EFCFrost's son who is on the spectrum (via Imgur) Click here to read the full note
Author: Elias Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Lucy Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Rhett Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Reddit user georgeresch's stepdaughter Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Unknown (via Reddit) Click here to read the full note
Author: Nicholas Age: 9 Click here to read the full note
Author: Elizabeth Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Lilly Wells Grade level: Kindergarten Click here to read the full note
Author: Ascha Age: 5 Click here to read the full note
Author: Ryleigh Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Abby Age: 5 Click here to read the full note
Author: Sadie Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Frankie (via Imgur) Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Unknown (via Imgur) Grade: 6th Click here to read the full note
Author: Emma Age: 10 Click here to read the full note
Author: Timmy Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Reddit user neightdog's son (via Imgur) Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Keith Yurgosky's daughter Level of education: Preschool Click here to read the full note
Author: Reddit user imtheotherguynow's youngest child (via Imgur) Click here to read the full note
Author: Reddit user Ltravis's little sister (via Imgur) Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Zac Age: 9 Click here to read the full note
Author: Jamie Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Carolyn Age: "6 or 7" Click here to read the full note
Author: Thalia Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Joshua Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Scarlett Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Matthew Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Tyler Age: 10 Click here to read the full note
Author: Kyle Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Ethan Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Carlos Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Audrey Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Carter Age: 9 Click here to read the full note
Author: Zen Age: 9 Click here to read the full note
Author: Kayla Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Unknown (via Imgur) Age: 5 Click here to read the full note
Author: Pedro Click here to read the full note
Author: Edwin Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author's grade: 4th Click here to read the full note
Author: Samantha Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Ella Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Jasmine Age: 5 Click here to read the full note
Author: Jenna Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Author: Julian (via Imgur) Grade: 2 Click here to read the full note
Author: Evelyn Age: 12 Click here to read the full note
Author: Kevin (via Imgur) Grade: Kindergarten Click here to read full note
Author: Victoria Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Sophie Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Emerson Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Emma K. (via Imgur) Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Genre: Poem (via Imgur) Recipient: Mom Click here to read the full note
Author: Auron Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Xander Age: 7 Click here to read the full note
Author: Ashley Age: 8 Click here to read the full note
Click here to read the full note (via Imgur)
Author: Wyatt Age: 9 Click here to read the full note
Author: Trey Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: Hailey Age: 6 Click here to read the full note
Author: One very wise 8-year-old (via Imgur) Click here to read the full note
Author: Bess Age: 5.5 Click here to read the full note
0 nhận xét:
Post a Comment