The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.     

[goes to the gym one time] "i'm hot"

— Megan Neuringer (@MeganNeuringer) January 22, 2016

can someone pass the message on to michael b jordan that my phone ate all texts sent in the past 24 hrs so he will have to sext me again thx

— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) January 20, 2016

Today is the 30th anniversary of MLK Day becoming a national holiday. But honestly, the country doesn’t look a day over desegregation.

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 18, 2016

I have but two goals for my Girl Scout troop, cookie sales and progressive indoctrination, and it looks like we're all done selling cookies

— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) January 20, 2016

In grade school, bullies used to say that liking Sporty Spice made me gay. They were so right LMAO

— Jillian Gutowitz (@jillboard) January 18, 2016

Every white girl in Brooklyn is gonna be Harley Quinn for Halloween this year. #SuicideSquad

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 20, 2016

if you want to piss off everyone at the whitney, refer to all self-portraits as 'selfies'

— Alanna Okun (@alanna) January 18, 2016

*sets up a gofundme for compliments*

— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 16, 2016

Periods are like a friend who comes bearing good news but then stays for a week, eats all your food, and borrows and ruins your clothes

— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) January 19, 2016

Having a spoonful of peanut butter before bed is like the gateway drug to eating half your groceries

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) January 20, 2016

My most aggressive pickup line according to most men: "I too am interested in and knowledgeable about this pop culture topic"

— NATALIE WALKER (@nwalks) January 20, 2016

The one thing I am grateful for this election cycle is the lack of sex stories that have emerged about Bernie Sanders

— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) January 20, 2016

LIFE HACK: Don't be an asshole.

— Mary Beth Williams (@embeedub) January 21, 2016

People that got a full nights sleep before early flights sicken me.

— Liza Treyger (@GlitterCheese) January 17, 2016

everyone's got an ex-boyfriend who lives in murray hill

— Caroline Bologna (@CarolineSB) January 21, 2016

finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.

— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) January 21, 2016