Before Facebook existed, I had no idea how clever and smart and photogenic all of my friends were. I had no idea that the food you all cooked looked so delicious. I had no idea you knew how to cook and I had no idea you liked cheese tamales smothered in green goop. Who knew?
But what surprises me most about what I didn't know is that you and your friends and family look so young! You all have so many fewer wrinkles and you look so much younger than me despite being the same age as me. Maybe I should start on the Botox. Maybe an intravenous drip of the stuff.
I am absolutely dumbstruck by how many fun events you all go to. I thought I had a decent number of friends (the kind you actually do stuff with) and I thought I had an active social life (if you understand "active" to encompass at least a few nights home alone each week binge-watching something on TV). But it seems like you guys are out on the town all the time, eating, drinking, seeing shows and traveling the world while I'm home with the fuzzy slippers on my feet.
Those kids of yours are amazing! Not a day goes by without someone's kid getting his driver's license or going to a prom! I never see the photos of your little angel getting pulled over for speeding, though. I must have missed those!
Oh, the vacations all over the world! Dubrovnik! Petra! Dubai! It's all so glamorous and international. Did I mention that I am here at home in my slippers? Yeah, the fuzzy ones.
I have become a much better person, however, thanks to the words of wisdom you all post. From the inspirational to the downright inane, I take all of that advice to heart and try to incorporate it into my life every day. I spend so much time trying to "live each day like there's no tomorrow" and "showing gratitude" that I barely have time to eat the wonderful food I cook or photograph it or post it on Facebook. But bless you all. You all apparently have struggles I know nothing about but from what I see on Facebook, that isn't true. You are all living the life of Riley, whoever Riley is. He must be one of my *wink wink* friends.
So thank you, my friends, for being my friends and thank you for sharing every stinking detail of your glorious lives with me. Maybe someday we can meet for coffee. In the flesh. For real! And then we can post a photo of it on Facebook! Looking forward to it! Kiss kiss.
Earlier on Huff/Post50:
Redditers Share How Tech Has Affected Their Lives
Long-Distance Call
"I remember when I was very young, my family calling me to the phone, excited that we were making a 'long distance' call from our home in New Jersey, all the way to Chicago! I listened to the person on the other end, who sounded like they were at the end of a long tunnel. What a miracle!" - Wayndom, 64 (Image via Flickr, Si Levitas)
Long-Distance Call
"I remember when I was very young, my family calling me to the phone, excited that we were making a 'long distance' call from our home in New Jersey, all the way to Chicago! I listened to the person on the other end, who sounded like they were at the end of a long tunnel. What a miracle!" - Wayndom, 64 (Image via Flickr, Si Levitas)
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First Computer
"The first computer I used was a remote terminal that would read the punch cards we fed it, sent the data 200 miles to a mainframe where the data was run and the results were returned, several hours later. The terminal, as primitive as it was occupied an entire classroom." - Slowshot, 59 (Image via Flickr, Marcin Wichary)
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Reel-To-Reel Tape Recorder
"In the mid-60s (my early teens) I was the only person I knew who owned a reel-to-reel tape recorder... and I owned it expressly to record TV show's audio off the air. I still have the recordings actually -- the first Star Trek episodes, The Prisoner episodes... and in 1967 portable audio cassette recorders became available." - Chuxarino, 59 (Image via Flickr, Carbon Arc)
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My First Computer Was A Science Fair Project
"I built my first 'computer' as a science fair project in 1962. It was just a register made from transistor flip-flops, a rotary phone dial for input, and incandescent bulbs for display. I wrote my first program on punched paper tape on a teletype machine connected via 300 bps modem to a timeshare computer. It was in fortran, contained an infinite loop and timed out the CPU at 3 mins. That bug cost me $50, minimum wage was around $1 then." - Anonanon1313, 63 (Image via Flickr, Providence Public Library)
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TV
"I remember our first little black-and-white TV, and our first color set several years later, and how much tweaking you had to do to get even crappy green faced images." - Anonanon1313, 63 (Image via Flickr, Jacob Whittaker)
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From Cassettes To CDs
"I remember my first cassette player. It had a built-in radio. I taped the Beatles first hits. I remember 8-track car tape decks. I remember the first Walkman (cassette), I bought it in an appliance store. I remember the first CD player, buying it and my first CDs ($17!), and soon after boxing up my collection of over 1,000 LPs and hundreds of cassettes, where they still sit." - Anonanon1313, 63 (Image via Flickr, edvvc)
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From PCs to MacBook
"Technology fascinates me. I used PCs for years & now am finding my way around a MacBook Pro. When VCRs came out, I was first in line. Watching movies at home -- unbelievable -- as was using a phone without being limited by the length of the cord. Now I have an iPhone which is really a mini-computer. Love the Internet and trying new apps. I'm excited to see what's next." - SOmuch2learn, 71 (Photo credit: Getty)
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Two TV Stations
"We had two TV stations, on a black-and-white TV, but there was always something to watch. Today we have over 100 channels (most in HD), but the same programs that I watched as a kid, 'I Love Lucy,' 'Leave It to Beaver,' 'Andy Griffith,' etc. are still being re-run endlessly, while people complain that there is nothing on worth watching." - Slowshot, 59 (Image via Flickr, Jonas Merian)
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Film Reels
"In school, educational films and documentaries came on reels of 16 mm film that ran 15 minutes. Today you get high def blu-rays that run four hours on a 5 1/4" disk." - Slowshot, 59 (Image via Flickr, Salvagenation)
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Computer Class
"My first introductory computer class about 35 years ago used punch cards for very remedial database programming exercises. It was tedious as all get out, but it gave me a huge foresight into an understanding of the power of data and how to harness that power and manage it to your benefit. A substantial portion of my current job still involves database administration." - Reg-o-matic, 57 (Image via Flickr, Marcin Wichary)
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Vinyl Records
"In the late 50s/early 60s stereo recordings and phonographs were just becoming popular. A high quality vinyl record had a max of 45 minutes of music on a double-sided 12" disk. Today you can get 6 hours of music on a thumb drive." - Slowshot, 59 (Photo credit: AP)
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Computer Tracking
"Biggest technology wonders in my 52 years, definitely communications. Work has changed dramatically... I started as a medical receptionist and learned an antique, handwritten system for keeping track of the money (in 1979), and the last system I learned was a completely comprehensive computer system that kept track of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING." - MeliMagick, 52
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This Blogger's Books and Other Items from...
Thin Rich Bitches
by Janet Eve Josselyn
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